Can’t do. Can do.

Yesterday on the treadmill for my stress test I initially had some very negative thoughts. It was Veterans Day. While I’m not a veteran of the US, I was an NCO in the IDF.

I, in my younger years, have hiked the highest mountains in the Negev Desert, mountains in Northern Israel. I completed basic training and the NCO course. I loved hiking and backpacking and travel.

My nickname in almost any job has always been the Energizer Bunny. Though, since I woke up nearly fully paralyzed a few years ago, I feel like the Energizer Bunny who’s had the battery removed from his back.

So I was on the treadmill, out of breath, and in pain having little to do with my heart and mostly having to do with my Rheumatoid Arthritis and my Myositis.

It took five years to get those diagnoses down. Two misdiagnoses (one in Buffalo, and another at the illustrious Mayo Clinic until blood test would reveal what was going on.

And as my back was in pain and my arms were hurting and my joints were screaming from something I used to be able to do with a 60+lb trekker pack – well before my army days – I felt awful and like a failure.

That is until the social worker voice in my head said “you aren’t a failure. You don’t have to meet any physical expectations. You are Disabled. It’s okay to lose old skills and learn new ones. No, you couldn’t do what you used to, but your old you couldn’t do what you do now.”

I felt a wave of gratitude come over me as my heart continued to beat through my chest and the EKG machine attached to me continued to print…and I realized that the sum of my experiences is who I am now, and I would be a whole new person tomorrow, adding in todays experiences.

So often we let that negative voice of what we can no longer do through. Instead, before me opened a path of all the things I can do now that I couldn’t do then. From homeless to homeowner. From drifting to vocation and calling. From confused to having an identity.

Friends, normalize and validate these thoughts. Breathe. And then look ahead of you, because tomorrow you’re going to be able to do things you weren’t able to do today. You might not be able to do things you did yesterday. That’s the adventure. That’s the journey.